I’ve always wanted to talk about this little life lesson Korra taught me but never got around to writing it until now. This story starts way back around the time that Korra was being revealed at Comiccon, and because I’m a slave to the traditional essay form I’m going to go ahead and tell you my point right now:
If you’re a heterosexual (or bisexual, I should say) man, you’re either a Mako or a Bolin, and there’s a huge difference in how women (of the heterosexual variety) treat you based on how closely you resemble either of the fabulous bending brothers.
Now allow me to start the explanation with a bit of anecdotal evidence. I’ve always been a huge fan of Avatar (the TV series not the movie god damn don’t even get me started on that movie because it’s only slightly better than The Last Airbender) since I saw my first episode. The series had ended by then so I got to experience the joy of watching every single Avatar episode in about 3 days time. I loved it and I still love it. So I was very, very excited when I learned that a sequel was being made, and I got to see a sneak peek at Comiccon!
This was of course back when attending Comiccon was actually possible, but even then I had to wait in a super-long line and I only actually got in to the panel because I had a friend with the press at the front of the line (thank you Brittany!). So anyway, I’m sitting there, the creators are talking, everything is going great because holy shit it’s a sequel to Avatar, and then they start showing the character art. This is the first time anyone outside of the production crew had ever seen this material, and it was very, very revealing to me. Not just beacuse, y’know, it was a “reveal”…but also because it spoke to a very important lesson all men need to learn sooner rather than later.
First, they showed Bolin.
Immediately, all of the girls in the audience: “Awwwwww!” Y’know, the way that you’d “aww” over a cute dog that you saw passing by. Bolin is, after all, adorable.
Then, they showed Mako.
Immediately, all of the girls in the audience: “Ooooooh.” Y’know, the way you’d say “oooh” and then say “shit that guy is hot!” Mako is, after all, hot.
So here’s what I learned from this, something that I always sorta knew in the back of my mind but this incident really hammered home: women want to f*** the Makos and marry the Bolins. Regardless of their personalities (this of course became even more interesting when Mako turned out to be kind of a dick and Bolin turned out to be so amazing that there’s actually a meme for him called “Perfect Man Bolin”), women want to go to bed with one but want to date the other.
I’m going to pause right here and qualify my point a little bit. Obviously there are women who find Mako repulsive. Obviously there are women who want to ride Bolin home. I’m talking about majorities, more accurately the majority of women who were in that room whose reactions I witnessed first hand. They all thought Mako was hot and Bolin was cute. Women treat “hot” men differently than they treat “cute” men.
You’re either hot like Mako or cute like Bolin. If you’re hot, women take notice of you. They’re more willing to put up with your shit (see: both Korra and Asami. I’m not saying that they’re representative samples of how women would actually react I’m just saying that plot came from somewhere). They pay closer attention to you. They want to f*** you. If you’re cute, women laugh at you or goo-goo over you, but they don’t take you seriously. They admit you’re attractive, but they also admit that your “hot” friend is, well, hotter than you. They might take a chance on you, date you for a while, but when they want to have fun they talk to the Makos of the world. And when they want to get into a more serious relationship, that’s when they start caring, truly caring, about you.
“Hot” gets more attention than “cute.”
I’m going to pause for a second time and remind everyone that I’m not talking about all women, not by a long shot. I’m not saying that Bolin is a better character than Mako or any of that fanboy nonsense. I’m saying that first impressions matter, and if your first impression is “hot” you’re in a better spot than if your first impression is “cute.”
Having said all this, I don’t really think that this truth is a bad thing. I’m not blaming women for wanting to have sex with hot men. I’m simply putting out the observation that, despite all the bullshit Disney rhetoric that “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we (I’m including the entire human race here, because we men do this too) still care very much about appearances. When we meet someone for the first time and check them out, it does indeed affect our chances of ever seeing them again. How many Perfect Man Bolins out there have been passed up because they happened to come to the bar that night with their super-hot brother Mako, and all the women wanted him instead?
I’m going to end this little…whatever…by saying that I’m not whining. I’m not scolding anyone. As I mentioned above, this isn’t entirely a bad thing, caring so much about first impressions. I just hope that everyone realizes it and stops tip-toeing around that fact, because the more we teach our children the lie that “your true love won’t care what you look like”, the more f***ed up they’re going to turn out.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to give Mako a tonguebath. There is, however, something wrong with refusing to admit it. I just wonder how many of the girls in that audience that were “Oooh”ing and “awww”ing are aware of what they were doing, and what it truly meant.
Two weeks until the return of Arrested Development. HEY!!!
Adam Sessler showin’ the world how we UCLA English grads do.
Want to hear some nostalgia?
The XBox console was released almost 12 years ago in November of 2001. The same weekend Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone came out.
It contained a mighty Pentium III 733 MHz processor. The iPhone 5 boasts a 1 GHz processor.
It ran on 64 MB of RAM. Today. a 1 GB stick of RAM costs 15 dollars.
Those awesome Halo graphics were pushed out by a 233 MHz GPU, about the equivalent of a GeForce 3 Ti500. Today, Nvidia sells a GeForce GTX 690 model which has 3 times the processing power and a memory bandwidth about 376 GB/sec faster.
It’s hard drive was a whopping 8 GB 5,400 RPM HDD. Western Digital currently sells a 1 TB 10,000 RPM HDD for the same price as the XBox originally sold for, $300.
It weighs eight and a half pounds. The Raspberry Pi mini computer weighs 45 grams.
YFW the blackjack dealer from Austin Powers is the Soup Nazi.